Days 89 - 93

Post date: Sep 27, 2016 8:28:38 PM


90 days. I get a chip! Whoo-hoo. All of my craziness really took a toll on me. I got sick on Friday and slept most of the afternoon/evening. I got up on Saturday, but spent most of the day sleeping. Wiped out, completely.

I have peace again. There is peace in my home again. It's like watching a kettle boil over, removing it from the heat, and then watching it settle back down into a calm peaceful pot of soup. The key is realizing I've turned the soup up to HIGH and didn't bother to stir it. I just let it get super hot and then explode. I can't control people. I can just love them. I want things for my life. Long term goals don't have to be accomplished today. I get restless and impatient.

I went to a concert with Jared. It was a lot of fun. It is nice to have fun. I did go a bit crazy when someone lit up a joint. Really don't need anything altering my state of being. So I basically knocked it on the floor, stomped on it, and told them to just enjoy the show. Well, with a few colorful words thrown in. Why can't we just enjoy the show. It was a good show, in and of itself. No drugs or alcohol needed to enhance the experience. I was asked why I just didn't move. Well, it was in a theater. I had a person to the left of me, drunk people to the right of me, Jared behind me, and people in front of me. There was no place to go. I don't care what you put in your body, just don't put it in mine.

I realize I really need to go to kickboxing. I've got frustrations and need a good bag to punch. I have fun kickboxing. It is exhausting, but I enjoy it. I asked Jared to take the girls to church on Wednesday nights so I can go. I felt guilty asking, but you know, it's what I need. Getting what I need is a good thing.

When I go home tonight, after a really long day at work, LA will have cleaned my house, my sheets will be warm and dry in the dryer, and pizza sounds good for supper. I can't do it all. I can't even claim to do it all. I'm thinking a nap instead of making dinner. Which, given it's hard to think straight, might be a good idea.

There is so much good in this world. I find myself with a list of things to do and it isn't a list of 100 things. It is a list of maybe two or three things. It isn't overwhelming. Life is still going on, even if I don't have a million things to do. I am still accomplishing things, even if I don't have a million things on my list. In fact, I'm writing again, producing some really great things, Dennis Doesn't Read. I'm working on a website for my grandmother: //

I actually just sit and be. It's amazing to just sit and be. Quiet is good. Peace is better. Faith is amazing. So is love.

In looking back at past posts, I realized spending a day thinking about all the crappy things people did to me, was BEYOND harmful to me. It's what set off my bout of codependency. I can't change the past, so why try to pick through it. I just need to move forward.

I've made it 93 days, with only one major breakdown. Here's to another 90 days!