Days 51 - 57

Post date: Aug 22, 2016 6:57:07 PM


I'm still living my life. I'm not the kind of person to just sit by and not change when I know something is broken. I'm working hard at my recovery. I get frustrated when I see others not so eager to change, I guess that's my codependent nature.

Sometimes the hostility in my house gets to me. I get upset. My kids do something and I get mad. I'm not expecting sunny skies and roses, but I would like the peace I feel to radiate to others.

I wrote an open letter to mothers about my mom. I don't have a relationship with her. I never really have. At some point in my life, I'd like one, but not while she is codependent.

I'm back to work. I love teaching. I really do. I love telling stories and inspiring people. I love teaching seminary. I love the New Testament. I'm excited to delve deeply into its words.

I worked at my friend's consignment sale. I generally work myself into a state of exhaustion, don't take time to even eat. This time, however, I worked at a pace that fit. I didn't exhaust myself. I had nothing to prove. It was nice. I spent time contemplating why I helped out. When I had babies, it was a life saver. Now that my kids are older, I'm happy buying Daxton new stuff at Target. I don't need stuff. Yes, I love spending time with the women there, but I don't need to be there. I don't need the credits, I don't need the stuff. I don't even feel like selling stuff. I don't know if it is worth my time and energy. I brought lots of stuff and got lots of stuff back. I believe it has reached a saturation point. Too many sellers, too much stuff. I'm hoping to go away for my anniversary in February and not help out. It will be a first. The last time I missed I had to because I had a concussion.

We all have to move on to other things in our lives. I have this fear of change, yet I know it needs to be done. I don't want to be stuck in a rut or treading through cement. I want to grow. Growth is a good thing.

It scares me. Lots of things scare me today. Getting back into it all is exhausting.

I'm living my life and that is wonderful.