Days 494 - 496

Post date: Nov 22, 2017 2:50:06 AM

THURSDAY - SATURDAY

I didn't ask for this, this codependency. I didn't asked to be raised by a crazy woman, who never taught me how to be a good person or how to love. She never taught me anything good. She taught me how to belittle, shame, and destroy others. I didn't ask to be raised the way I was.

I get now, that I know I'm codependent, I'm supposed to be all better, except I'm not. I don't know what it means to be a good wife or a good mother. I fail miserably at both. No, I'm not being hard on myself, I'm being honest.

I'm trying, and I'm falling short. It isn't enough for my kids. It isn't enough for my husband. And I really don't know what to do about it. I think I'm doing well and then WHAM, I get informed I'm not. I guess they think they are helping me by pointing out everything I do wrong. But they aren't. It is self defeating.

I guess I talk about recovery too much at church. They don't even call on me when I want to make a comment anymore. Even if it isn't about codependency and recovery.

I'm not having a good day.