Days 484 - 493

Post date: Nov 1, 2017 6:36:23 PM


Codependent parents suck. I'm watching a daughter of a codependent self-destruct. It is horrible to watch. The mother, removed herself from the home and put the once freed daughter in charge. Which means, the daughter lost her job and car. Back under mommy's control. Who does that to their kids? And the daughter, well, she really want's mommy's approval, so she does whatever mommy asks, hoping for some grain of acknowledgement. Except, mommy is codependent and sabotaging her daughter.

Why? Why can people succeed and codependents feel the need to break them down and destroy them? One step forward and a million steps backwards.

I'm trying. I don't know that I'm there yet. Last night, I felt horrible. I was tired and crabby. I haven't slept well since in injured my leg. The night before was especially rough. I just wanted to be grumpy, so I was. I was cold and crabby. I was even called a miserable codependent pain in the ass. And rightly so. Then I fell asleep for a few hours and woke up happy. We all have bad days. Those bad days shouldn't define who we are. We are free to take a nap or a walk and start over.

I'm not trying to sabotage my children or husband. I fully love and support them.

Right now, I'm sitting in an empty computer lab, feet propped up on a box of paper, beside an open window. I don't have any windows in my classroom. It's a pretty depressing classroom, it is, after all, in the dungeon. I can, however, come and sit beside an open window during my free time.

You don't have to stay miserable. That is a choice. Extracting yourself from a situation is often necessary for everyone involved. Love yourself, why not, you are amazing, even if you are flawed. We are all flawed.

Get a sponsor. Find a meeting. Go. Don't expect tomorrow to be better if you don't change anything today. It's OK to have a bad day.