Days 401 - 418
Post date: Aug 19, 2017 1:03:46 AM
TUESDAY - FRIDAY
You know, this recovery thing is really hard some days. There are days when I feel healthy and happy and then there are days when triggers are setting off memories and I feel not so healthy and not so happy.
My youngest son started school. It was the first time in all 5 of my kids that I actually missed him. Dare I say I got super sad at the thought of him going to school. I missed having him around. I missed him. It was a hard week for me. I LOVE that he wants me to pick him up early so we can do things together. Last year, he wanted to stay at school for as long a possible. Now we do things after school and it's amazing. It does make me sad to know I missed this with my other kids.
I do love that my children come to me with questions and problems. I LOVE that they trust me. I love being there for them and it isn't draining on my or too much for me. When you love and take care of yourself, it is amazing how many people you are able to love and help.
I love that my dogs, when they are afraid of an umbrella in the room, come to me and hide under my desk, knowing they are safe with me. It is an amazing feeling.
In my past, my family avoided me. Now they like being around me.
I love that I can do something stupid and my husband will still love me. We can talk through things and be in a good place. I love my life. I love recovery, but some days it is hard.
I'm surrounded by people in recovery and I see them struggling. I will say it loud and clear, YOU HAVE TO WORK THE STEPS. YOU HAVE TO WORK THE PROGRAM. You cannot undo years of norms by wishing them away. Working the steps is a continual life thing, not a check and you are done.
Meetings make you feel "normal" if there is such a thing. You learn from others and get to vent when you need to. Meetings reinforce what you should hope to accomplish, the goals for your future. They are amazing and they work.
You have to work the program. You cannot do this alone. You need to get a sponsor. Someone to bounce ideas and thoughts off of. Someone who is safe.
You are not alone in this journey. Don't make yourself a victim and pretend no one wants to help you. Ask. You are worth so much!
Loving and taking care of yourself is the only way to kick this. Learning new norms and new ways to communicate are essential. Your life was broken and now you are healing. Give it time. Time to undo, time to learn, time to love.
Step back and breathe. Set boundaries to keep yourself safe. STOP oversharing. It's like giving bullets to the enemy and daring them to shoot.
You can do this!