Days 366 - 369

Post date: Jun 30, 2017 1:16:14 PM


Trust. I've had two recent instances in my life where trust has played an interesting part. The first was at a "Touch a Truck" event over the weekend. My youngest was scared to death. He didn't want to touch any of the trucks, even though there were lots of friendly people and his mom and dad there. When we got home and talked to him about it, he made comments like, "He was alone." "He was afraid."

What I realized was that for his entire life, except for the last year, he's lived without my support. He's pretty much been left to do his own thing. That's been my pattern with my own life and with the lives of all of my children. I haven't been the biggest fan to my kids. One of my kids told me that she was her biggest fan, because I just wasn't there for her. The times I wasn't yelling and controlling, I was hiding away, pretending I didn't exist.

Acknowledging that, we have started to do more things as a family. Like taking them to events and outings. We are trying to do better. I believe my kids will be more courageous knowing they have the full support of both parents.

Not being wrapped up in codependent hell has opened my eyes to the Swiss cheese life we were living. I'm trying to pack in the holes with love, kindness, and support.

The second event happened yesterday. I have never really had a relationship with our pets. Just not really into things that love me, I guess. Our puppies are 14 months old. So they've lived with codependent me for 2 months of their lives. The rest of the time, they've lived with recovery me. So, when I took my dogs to the vet, I was amazed at how they sat right by me, hugging my legs, looking towards me for comfort and support, AND getting it. Words of comfort, comforted them. Touch made them calm down. As they are both sleeping on my bed right now, I've think I've been a good, supportive dog owner.

My daughter asked why the puppies love me so much. I responded, because I give them time and love. Sad that she would have to ask that. Like that is some magical formula. It was an unknown formula in my life and in my home.

I took a survey of my family, to see what they thought of me, after a year in recovery:

Oldest child: I guess you've changed a little, I mean it's hard to see when you are in the middle of it.

Next child still on his mission: It seems too good to be true.

Next child: You yell all the time. Me: All the time? Her: I guess. Me: When's the last time I yelled? Her: I don't remember.

Next child: You are doing amazing! I love you. "Hug"

Last child: "Hug"

Husband: Yes, you've changed and it's a good thing. I'm proud of you.

I have a long way to go to mend relationships within my own family. I need to work on building trust by using the magic formula of time and love.