Days 354 - 357

Post date: Jun 19, 2017 12:07:41 AM


Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there! Today has been a hard day for me. I didn't really have a loving, nurturing father or father figure in my life. I didn't really understand what the role of father looked like. I didn't know what the role of mother looked like either.

Watching my husband with our kids, I realized just how much he has picked up the slack in the parenting department. Mothers are supposed to be nurturing. I wasn't, my husband was. He was the hugger and kisser. He was the encourager and helper. He was so much that I never saw or was.

I'm 10 days away from my 1 year mark. This past week so many new things have surfaced. I feel like we are running pretty well, as a family and as a couple. Yet, it amazes me old triggers still haunt us.

I've been sad the past few days. Looking back, I'm not proud of the person I was and I own the harm I've caused to my family. I own it. It does not define me, however it was me. As we have all been working towards healing, my son comes home from his mission in 13 weeks. He has healing to do as well. Healthy relationships. That's what I want for my family.

I'm learning what roles are in a family. I don't have to do everything. I'm part of something bigger than myself.

I love my dad. I don't really know much about him. I am excited for a time, after this life, when we can be friends. I'm excited for that with a lot of my family members, when the shroud of this codependency thing no longer haunts us.

Happy Father's Day to all those who fill the roles of being a parent.