Days 31-35

Post date: Aug 1, 2016 1:14:49 AM


Weird things to happen:

1. I got mad. It really scared me. It was the first time I have truly gotten made in the past 30 or so days. Some idiot cut me off, while driving, and it really made me mad. I cussed at him and wished really bad karma upon him and his life. What scared me was the fact that I thought I was being codependent. I thought the anger was going to stay. I recognized the feeling I'd carried around for so very long, every moment of every day. Luckily, I didn't fall into the eternal hell of anger. I got mad, cursed the driver, and then continued on with my day. It was amazing.

2. I got really upset. Like SUPER crabby. I was ill tempered, I just wanted to cry, scream, laugh, explode. Then I realized I was super tired and needed a nap. Sure, my family needed stuff from me, but I had less than 4 hours of sleep in me, and I was exhausted. I told my family to leave me alone, I'm sorry, but I'm tired and need a nap. Gosh, how amazing a nap is. Super crabby went away in my sleep.

3. My daughter returned from her trip to Utah. She was being super caustic. Something, my daughters acknowledged as the old "norm" in our house. She was reacting to things in cruel ways. On Friday, we picked her up from the temple. She got in the van and instantly the entire mood changed. She was so negative. So hateful.

We went to the drive thru to get some food and we talked about not reacting. How we, as a family, had worked so very hard to be peaceful and not react. At first she thought we were all being mean to her, but that's just it, we weren't being mean to her. We, in fact, were empowering her to better deal with each of us.

It didn't take long for us to be laughing and talking. Yes, I'm going to point out when my kids react. Yes, they are going to point out when I react. Yes, we are going to get through this together.

4. My daughter was in a SUPER bad mood. I didn't take it personally. I just gave her space. A remarkable thing happened. She actually came to me and we talked. Usually I'm hounding her for information, trying to change her mood, and basically sticking my nose all up in her business. She's now happily watching tv with her sisters. This is NOT normal. Usually, they are all dispersed to different rooms. Now I'm not saying they are all lovey dovey, but they are at peace with each other.

5. My husband came home from work, happy. He walked in the door and he was actually happy. That is a first. In 23 years of marriage, he's always come home drained and exhausted. No joy in coming home. He was actually happy to be home AND he was exhausted. It was amazing.

6. My youngest was playing a game during scriptures and prayers. Usually, I would go completely crazy, yell, scream, demand. This time, however, we all sort of worked it out together, each making choices to help my son not play games during prayers. I actually just sat and watched it all unfold. It was AMAZING. My children are capable of making good choices on their own.

It is amazing to be living my life. It is amazing to see all the new things happen. It is amazing to have peace.

I will have happy times, sad times, glad times, upset times, but they are just times, not seasons. They are moments, not years. They are something I can control. They are mine.

It has been an amazing few days.