Days 303 - 309

Post date: May 1, 2017 1:26:51 PM

TUESDAY - MONDAY

Something really weird just dawned on me, I'm in the 300's. A year is 365 days and I'm in the 300's. I am so thankful to a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me. I'm grateful to my family for supporting me during the past 309 days. I'm grateful for joy and happiness in my life. I'm grateful for a loving, supportive husband, who is, by the way, an amazing man.

Yesterday, I was looking for something in my email and a bunch of emails from a year ago popped up. I started to read them and was totally blown away at the caustic way I was living my life. I had no joy in my life. I was barely surviving and to be honest, not really wanting to be alive. Who was that person?

I'm grateful to be me. To love myself and to be able to feel love from others, it is truly an amazing thing. It has gotten me thinking about my life choices. I've been thinking about what I want to do for the rest of my life, and somewhere in there my life choices may change. I might end up back in school and become a therapist. Who knows, that's several years down the road and for the last 50 years of my life, I'd say, but it is pulling on me, none-the-less.

This week I've been thinking a lot about the 8th Promise of CoDA which states: I learn that it is possible to mend - to become more loving, intimate and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.

I'm struggling with how to deal with my mother. Several months ago, I sent her a list of non-negotiables. Boundaries I have set in order to have her in my life, to keep me and members of my family safe. I heard nothing back from her and she has done nothing on the list, which included her initiating contact with her grandchildren. I feel that has answered my question about whether or not to have her in my life. The last time I talked to her, she called me a liar and told me I was possessed of the devil, again, a pretty good sign for her not to be in my life.

I am genuinely happy. I do not need or want her approval in my life. Going forward, however, my children will have events they want her to be a part of. I feel I must keep myself safe from the caustic person she is. Likewise, my children need to be safe as well.

I believe I just need more time to work on achieving this promise. I know it is possible to mend. I've mended bridges with those I know are safe and trustworthy. Did I mention how truly grateful I am?

• If you are wondering why people are doing things to drive you crazy...you are probably codependent.
• If you distance yourself from others, who you love and who are healthy, safe people, in order to feel "safe"...you are probably codependent.
• If you do things for people, which they didn't ask you to do, and then get mad because they don't appreciate you...you are probably codependent.
• If you feel hopeless and desperate for approval from those unable to give it...stop it. You are good enough. No one needs to give their approval of you.
• Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable. It is time to find hope and joy in your life. It is called the Plan of Happiness for a reason.