Days 267 - 270

Post date: Mar 23, 2017 10:28:05 PM


Nine months. It's been nine months. I get a chip. I never knew life could be like this. Recovery is amazing. Simply amazing. Holy crap amazing.

So what's it like being in recovery? Better question, what's it like to not be codependent? I'm working on it. There are moments when I fail. Not days, or hours, but moments. I react to things too harshly or start yelling, but it doesn't last long. I notice when I go off the beaten path and correct, find peace, take time for me.

I had a guy contact me about telling my story on their recovery podcast. The Next Step Podcast is AMAZING! It's two guys who are not afraid to talk about their journeys. In The next step pod 2.6 Step 6 Change of Heart--> From addict to Surf Champion they mention me and this blog. I'm excited to help them out. I believe people are spending their lives in misery and need help. Most of them don't even know what's wrong.

Exciting days ahead! I've spent the past few days pondering touch. I remember when my mom quit hugging or kissing me. I remember not getting any sort of affection from my home. In high school, I was a hugger. I hugged everyone, probably way too much. Later in life, I remember having to make the conscious choice to let my toddler hug me. It was hard for me to let her hug me. I wasn't used to hugging in my home.

As my children grew, I hugged more at school and church and less and less at home. My norm was to not hug. I found myself standing with my hand out saying, "I'm good." "Back away." "Not now." I would often retire to my room and pretend I didn't exist. I was not affectionate with my children or my husband. Heaven forbid he try to touch me, I'd bite his head off. I slept on my side of the bed in my own "protective" isolated bubble. I was truly miserable.

To be honest, I look back at that time and I can't believe I was like that. I can't believe that was my norm. What an empty way to live. I'm truly grateful to my Father in Heaven for helping me to find my way. I'm no longer lost and all alone. I love and feel loved. I accept help and set boundaries. I am able to give and receive affection. I'm excited for the next 9 months. So many amazing things are ahead.