Post date: Mar 20, 2017 12:39:17 AM
WEDNESDAY - SUNDAY
Today, I attended two sacrament meetings. My daughter was giving a talk in her singles ward, so we went. It was amazing to see her confidence and strength. Recovery is amazing.
I've been spending time working on my writing. I love to write. It is something I want to become better at. It is my newly found after school activity.
My thought process today is focused on communication and being a victim.
I'm not very good at communicating. I still live, somewhat in the codependent mindset of you should know what I want. Which is really stupid. How can anyone know what I am thinking? I've been working on NOT dropping hints, but actually stating what I need. Today, for lunch, I needed someone to chop up the tofu for soup. Instead of making myself the victim and complaining about all the work I had to do, I asked for help chopping the tofu.
Think of the statements with regard to making lunch:
"I can't do this all by myself." What am I asking for? What do I need? I'm just making a statement. Throwing out a line to see if anyone would bite. In actuality, I can do it all by myself, it just means lunch would take a bit longer, and I'd be mad by the time it was ready. Here I am playing the poor me, victim card.
"I need help." Well, yes I do. But again, I'm not stating what I need, it's a general comment. Yes, people should pick up on the fact that I'm asking for help, but not really. It seems more like complaining than asking for help.
"Hey, can you help me?"
"Do what?"
"Make lunch." Again, not really giving any direction. People can't read my mind. They don't know what I need or am wanting them to do. As a codependent, I used to get mad because they didn't know what I needed them to do.
"Hey, Jared, can you cut up the tofu for the soup?" Do you know what happened? He cut up the tofu for lunch. WOW. Exactly what I needed done.
Dropping hints from things we think, is a REALLY REALLY REALLY bad idea. People cannot read your mind. What is obvious to you is not obvious to others.
Be clear when you need something. State exactly what you need and it just may surprise you what you get.
Playing the victim:
My daughter was going to play practice. It was quite a long one. She asked what she should take along for food and I offered up some ideas, each suitable for her to eat during break. She made faces and comments and put herself right in the poor me, victim role. On our drive to school, I told her the better way is a positive way. "Hey mom, I don't like any of that, can I just take cereal?"
Don't put yourself in the victim role. People don't like it and quite frankly neither do you. You don't want pity. You want to be loved and respected. Life isn't about smiling and nodding and pretending everything is ok. It is about being amazing, wonderful, happy, and loved. It is NOT about being ok. Ok is not what you want to be in life.
If you feel sorry for yourself, do something for yourself. Take time for yourself. Take a walk, a bath, a nap. Read a book, listen to a conference talk, or uplifting music. Don't wallow in self defeating pity. You are worth infinitely more than you believe. The worth of souls is great in the sight of God. Don't forget that!