Days 163 - 166
Post date: Dec 9, 2016 7:48:46 PM
TUESDAY - FRIDAY
Staring at the date on my computer, I can't believe I've made it to Friday. I believe I have a cold or the makings of a cold. My head has been super fuzzy all week. I've been super crabby. I've needed naps and haven't taken them. Last night, I was hot and cold all night, broke out in sweat on more than one occasion and it wasn't because I was under the covers.
I'm trying to think deep thoughts, but it's hard today.
I've published another book! Jacob Doesn't Read Book 1: The Flying Aardvark. You can find it on Amazon as a book and Kindle version. The website is: www.jacobdoesntread.com.
Today, in seminary, I was really touched by John 15. It made me think of happy times in my life, being with Jared's grandmother, Mony. She's been the only real mother I've ever known. She took time to be a part of my life and teach me things and love me. She really loves me. I miss her. I'm looking forward to seeing her this summer.
Anyway, in the lesson manual was this amazing quote. So, I made a picture out of it:
I've been praying about how to be a better mother. This was my answer. Mony showed me, so very long ago, when my 23 year old was a baby, how to be a mother. I should have paid better attention. As a mother, I need to be these things. I need to give of my time and ALWAYS be present in my children's lives. I need to show affection, serve them, be courteous to them, and show them TRUE love.
Time = Love.
That's what Mony gave freely to me. She gave with no expectations. She loved freely. I never felt like I deserved her love. I never felt like I deserved anyone's love. I was so very broken.
So, today, as I sit listening to Christmas music from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, the inner critic inside of me is screaming. I feel like a failure and just want to cry. It could be because I'm so very tired and don't feel well.
In the words of my ever so loving husband:
Because you have failures...you aren't ever one.
Seriously, not to mention, that a failure means you've tried.
You are amazing. You do amazing things.
Don't listen to that inner critic.
Being loved is amazing. Recognizing that love is even more amazing. Knowing I'm worth loving is beyond wonderful. Being able to love in return, that is a gift from God.