Day 79

Post date: Sep 13, 2016 8:17:07 PM


Wow, it astounds me how much can happen in 24 hours. I haven't talk to my mother in over a month. No desire to be in her life. I really do mean that. I never had a healthy relationship with my mother. I spent my life trying to get her approval and well, it was in vain. I have always been her greatest disappointment. And you know, that's ok.

Last night, this weird Facebook Messenger message popped up. It was from my mom, but with the last name Brewster. It appears in the month since I stopped talking to my mother, she got remarried.

I've spent the day feeling lots of things. I was upset at first, thinking, maybe I could have shared in her happy day and then reality, does she even have happy days? Then I was astonished, I guess she showed me. Then, while looking of pictures of her and her new husband on Facebook, I realized, this woman is a stranger to me. I know her no better than I do any other random person of Facebook.

My brother and my aunt have both friended her new husband, so they must have known. When I saw that, I stopped worrying about her. She has really crappy taste in men, so I could have cause to worry. Worrying never changed anything and worrying about someone who cares so little about me, well what's the point. So now, she is happy, I guess. I can leave it at that.

One of my daughters contacted her last week. My mom made the comment that she probably wouldn't see my daughter for her birthday, because I was keeping the grandchildren from her. What a manipulative lie. I have told my children they are free to contact her any time they would like. The trouble is, the last time they talked to my mom, she called them devil worshipers, evil, and told them they were going to hell. I don't blame them for not wanting her in their lives. When I told them she had gotten remarried, they shrugged and replied, "Ok."

I have my own family to mend. I don't need the approval of people who live lives with values far different from mine. I don't have to understand their craziness. The codependency, the drinking. It can stay with them. As my husband said, "Glad you feel free and not sucked into the madness."

We also had a family meeting. That was so much fun. Nothing better than a group of people sitting around a table ready to blame each other for everything that is wrong with their lives. I truly felt attacked last night. Needless to say, everyone else thought it went splendidly and can't wait to have another one. I was proud of myself, I didn't react. I sat and listened, even though I didn't agree with what was being said, I gave those present a chance to be heard. I think that was the message to be taken away from that meeting. Maybe from now on we can actually talk and not hold things in.