Days 440 - 447
Post date: Sep 16, 2017 1:21:08 PM
SATURDAY - SATURDAY
Sitting in a room full of people in recovery, knowing I'm the reason they are there, hurts. Watching them work recovery and find successes in their lives is amazing.
This past week, I've watched a love one make really hard choices and close doors. No one wants to close doors. People want to keep living their lives hoping something will change and not really doing anything to change. Sadly, that doesn't work.
Do. You have to do. Recovery is about doing. Yes, time heals a lot of things, however, without action, time just passes us by.
So today, I'm sitting in a Picture Book Conference. It's amazing to do things I love. The joy in taking time to do things I love to do is vital to maintaining my mental health and my recovery. If I spent every waking moment doing what needs to be done and not take time to do what I love, my life would just be passing me by.
Is it selfish to take time out for myself? Well, that depends on if you think being selfish is good or bad. Me time is imperative to growth and love of self.
When doors close, doors open. Come what may and love it. I used to spend my time saying "smile and nod." Meaning there is nothing I can do about it, so let's just ride along. There is no joy in smile and nod. There is no do in smile and nod. It's just what you've been given, so deal with it.
Come what may and love it contains joy. I get my life is going to have trials, issues, good days, and bad days. So when someone dies, do I just love it? No. But I have an eternal perspective. This life is just a fly speck on the timeline of my life. I'm here to learn. Some lessons hurt more than others, but I'm also here to find joy.
18 months ago, when bad things happened I crumbled. I became a pile of why me. I brought up all the bad in my life and attached it to the current bad thing. My woe was deep and dark. I used to think I was good about my woes. I would throw up my hands and say "OK, God, what do you want me to learn." In actuality, I was cursing God, my life, my husband, and my family. I waited for the next drama so I could feel.
Now, well, I genuinely want to know what God's plan for my life is. I don't spend my life thinking twenty steps ahead. I'm living my life. I don't play what could be's over and over on a never ending rewind. Come what may and love it.
How? How do you do this? It's easy, but not something codependent people find easy to do. Spend time in nature. Sit still. Just listen to the wind in the trees. Take a walk and look at the flowers or the cement, if that's all you've got. Don't think about all that is going on, let your mind rest. The world will not end if you take time to not think about stuff. In fact, you will have more energy and brain power to tackle problems if you've given your mind time to rest.
I can't change people. I can't make them do things. I can offer suggestions. I can teach. I cannot control, why would I want to. A controlled person is a miserable person. Recently, I was watching a really cool dog act. There were two dogs running and jumping, flipping and dancing. It was amazing. Why would a dog do that? Because he was forced? No, because he loved it.
Are you running and jumping, flipping and dancing or are you trudging. Step 2. Let go and trust. I know trust is hard. Your desire to control will go away when you learn to trust those who are trustworthy.
Take a walk. Sit in the sun. Just be for awhile.